Dear soul,
Soul says go.Soul says no. Soul says yes. Soul says.
I forgot how to be a person. I forgot how to be a thing. A mammal. A 4 legged. A 2. A plant. Maybe a house, or a boat, or a ship to sail far far away. That's where I want to go.Go to Heaven where I can hide. Take a rest in the place where I used to live. Before I was a thing. A Home, my home in the stars. I am home. I am here. I am alive. I am a person. I am made of stardust and potions and conscious and consciousness and right and wrong. All the stories of all I ever was or will be.
I want to love you
But it scares me
I want to be thankful
But I push you away
I want to follow you
But I want to stand on my own
I want you to love me so much
The way you do.
Please
I don't want to forget who I am
I remember I am here to serve the light
I am here to shine the light
To firm the light
I don't want to forget all the flowers you gave me
The way you washed my feet
The way you opened the door
Or looked into my eyes with that crazy shine
That blazing look of passion
Why won't you touch me now
But when you do
I am alone
Who will be there when my bones crumble to dust
Only my butterfly wings gracefully padding the wind and dirt
The air above and below
Who will be there
Will the sun shine in my eyes as I take my last breath?
This poignant life of nothingness
and everythingness
You feel so close to me now
I need someone to relate to
Because here at the edge I feel like a frazzled monkey thing
Someone I don't understand
Moving imperceptibly at the speed of light
Calm yourself down and find the right
The inspiration
The motivation
Cultivate the soil
Til the land until it's fertile ground
My children rising up around me like weeds
Like stones
Like beautiful amber crystals to carry me
I want to hold their hands,
Look into their eyes
I'm tired of waiting for my pillar of man to come
When I think it could be him
I don't know you
And you feel like a perfect stranger
All of the sudden, like I never knew you
All I knew was change
My end is my beginning
My river running into my ocean
And I am change
Please help me forgive forget
surrender to the uncontrollable
I am tired of dying again
But I know the rebirth is a necessity
Let me rebirth myself
I'm tired of the awkward insecure little girl
That hid herself in the mirror of appearances
Fixing her hair and popping her pimples
Ay, uncontrollable urge to be perfect in the eyes of a perfect lover
Forever sexy, young and strong
Who I can never be
I'm only borrowing this brilliant suit of diamonds
And I will always be beautiful, even in my shriveled grey suit
The sparkle of beauty graces my eyes
So I can see the shades of green waving here in the wind
Please hold my hand,
angels of life
Angels of death
Guide me and teach me
I want to hear
I want to fall off the cliff into your yawning silence
Onto your gaping tongue
I can't go forward in this world alone
Please, secure me
I feel myself falling
What do I ask for
When up is down?
I want I want
the end of my want
And I breathe slow and steadily
Remembering to come down from this creative flurry
I am alone again
Wandering in the desert
Looking for water
Or a mirage of home
Or an actual home
In your hands
whose hands are God's
Too.