Last year- 10/7/16
Im here looking again at myself through the eyes of the other, another, apart, inside out. I am a being, a beautiful beating heart in a body, seeking light, warmth, growth. Just like an animal on a cold winter's day, a flower unfurling. Struggling and trying to emerge. And my chances are good. I've been shaking, shaking at the roots. I am hungry, tired, thirsty, alive, and alone inside of the endless whirls and whizzing of the city. 27, with veins starting to show, and eyes weary from tears, of sadness and gratitude. I have left my home, the one I was building carefully, stone by stone. A storm came and shattered the bones, and the mortar dried up into dust and scattered from my unclenched palm. Who am I? Alone on a cold desert mountain, or surrounded by loved ones, cherishing the same invisible power, senseless, wordless, love and faith. I am one among many, a refugee of time. I am one among many, a prisoner of my own design. I am one among many, a song bird soaring high above the trees. I am so much more and less than I was, so many new layers and so much more raw. Present to the suffering of this lonely planet. And the beauty is crushing for those with eyes to see beyond the rushing whispers of the mind. The words dance, filling me with surrender. I am whole, I am complete. I am what I tell myself I am, and also a body, beyond the words. The intelligence of stars, of soft touch, of courage. I am not giving up, and I have so much to be grateful for. Thank you to every breath, every heart beat. Thank you to every smile, to every frown. Thank you to every mountain, every pair of feet. Thank you to the strangers I greet. Thank you for all of this profound sadness. And thank you for the lessons, to see beyond myself, and learn what my soul is yearning to know, and my mind will never comprehend. Again, again, again.